A Royal Pain

With the news today announcing the birth of Kate & Prince Williams’ baby boy, I began to wonder how different the birth was to that of my own little Womb Raider. The main question in my mind is: does money or status really play that much of a part in the birth of a baby…

Whine time.

I’m struggling to think of a more annoying sound than The Womb Raider’s whining. Tonight, she went at it for maybe 2 hours straight and had both me and The Husband desperate for relief. The sound I am referring to is different to crying. Crying can normally be sorted out pretty swiftly with a highly…

The Sleep Raider

Sleep. Five innocent-looking little letters spell out something you will never properly have again once you become a mum. To be fair, The Womb Raider has not been that bad with sleeping at night (don’t get me started on the days) and from day one at home would have some nice long chunks of 2-3…

Wardrobe Malfunction

Somebody should tell you not to go trying on any items of clothing straight after you have had a baby – especially jeans that were a little snug before you were with child. Come to think of it, that advice really ought to go inside a manual for motherhood, along with other useful kernels of…

The Bald and the Beautiful.

So I’m going bald. Which is great because hair on your head is completely overrated anyway…. I’m told it’s a completely normal postpartum thing, and after asking around I’ve confirmed this to be sad but true. In the morning I look down at my pillow and could be forgiven for thinking I’d gone to bed…

Let’s talk about poo….

Shit. Poop. Crap. Turd. Number 2. The corn-eyed buttsnake. I never thought I would become so fascinated with poo – until the Womb Raider came along. Before her birth, I was like most people and avoided it wherever possible. Of course, I have to go like everyone else and I pick up after my dogs’ daily…

Maiming your first-born.

I’m gazing at the Womb Raider’s™ tiny little fingers and I think, “Those little fingernails are getting a bit long.” So I ask The Husband™ to get a baby nail clipping kit. Diligently, he comes home with a cute little set including clippers, scissors and a file. I’ve got her laying in her cot and…

A day to forget

My day has gone something like this… Womb Raider wakes at 5.10am for a breakfast of boob and some party time. After providing the feast to end all feasts I hand her to Dad as she decides that more sleep is not on her agenda. “Take her out and shut the door thanks!!” I croak. Hooray…

Milk Cannons

Boobs, tits, knockers, jugs, hooters, fun bags, the twins, white pointers, cans. There are many names for women’s breasts, but once you have a baby they take on new meaning. No longer are they the source of fun for men, a fashion accessory or a couple of firm (if you are lucky) friends. They become…

Humble beginnings

Over the weekend while the Womb Raider was feasting on the milk cannons, I had a moment of reflection. I started to go back to where it all began, the moment of conception where my life would change forever. I hadn’t really given too much thought to what this moment would be like, but there…