Jingle Bells

Every two years for the past four years, I have found myself suddenly and unexpectedly pregnant. Ok, so that last bit is a lie. But perhaps the suddenly bit is kind of accurate. I have discovered the existence of both of my womb raiders existence on New Years Eve – meaning The Festive Season has been rather productive…

The Womb Raider 2: Return to the Temple of Womb.

I’m pregnant again. Holy shit! This means another Womb Raider is on it’s way with a due date perilously close to the original Womb Raiders 2nd birthday. In fact, it’s due 2 days before! Some might say this is very clever timing, pretty much bang on two years is quite a lucky coincidence wouldn’t you…

Let’s talk about Poo Number 2.

Now that I have gotten my head around this blogging thing I’ve been fascinated with what has struck a chord with my readers. It seems the most popular topics are poo, my dubious parenting skills and the horror of birth. I guess it’s like a car crash, you just can’t help but take a look….

The Avocado Power Spew.

For the first 6 months of the Womb Raiders life I had bragged about her iron constitution. I’d put it down to her diet of breast milk from the famous overworked cannons and the occasional organic solid meal now that she’d reached weaning age. Never had we so much as a snot or a snort…

The Human Napkin

Toddlers are messy. “No shit.” I hear you say? Well, actually, there is quite a bit of shit. But the mess I am talking about is not strictly about bodily excretions. Now that the Womb Raider has turned one and is missioning around the house, crawling and cruising the furniture, things have become a lot…

Happy Birthday

Today marks one year since the birth of my little Womb Raider. I can hardly believe it as I type this because it’s gone so incredibly fast! Over the past year I’ve written all kinds of stuff about us, but never really delved into how she made it into the world. So here goes…… *WARNING…

Mother of the Year

Mother (or Father) of the Year is a dubious honour awarded to parents when they utterly fuck up the gig of parenting. It’s delivered when you have either done something or allowed something to happen to your child that you really hope nobody else but you saw. It could be potentially life threatening, embarrassing, or…

A Royal Pain

With the news today announcing the birth of Kate & Prince Williams’ baby boy, I began to wonder how different the birth was to that of my own little Womb Raider. The main question in my mind is: does money or status really play that much of a part in the birth of a baby…

Whine time.

I’m struggling to think of a more annoying sound than The Womb Raider’s whining. Tonight, she went at it for maybe 2 hours straight and had both me and The Husband desperate for relief. The sound I am referring to is different to crying. Crying can normally be sorted out pretty swiftly with a highly…

The Sleep Raider

Sleep. Five innocent-looking little letters spell out something you will never properly have again once you become a mum. To be fair, The Womb Raider has not been that bad with sleeping at night (don’t get me started on the days) and from day one at home would have some nice long chunks of 2-3…

Wardrobe Malfunction

Somebody should tell you not to go trying on any items of clothing straight after you have had a baby – especially jeans that were a little snug before you were with child. Come to think of it, that advice really ought to go inside a manual for motherhood, along with other useful kernels of…

The Bald and the Beautiful.

So I’m going bald. Which is great because hair on your head is completely overrated anyway…. I’m told it’s a completely normal postpartum thing, and after asking around I’ve confirmed this to be sad but true. In the morning I look down at my pillow and could be forgiven for thinking I’d gone to bed…