Exit strategy.

So much for Womb Raider Wednesdays where I promised a weekly update on all things Raider and Home Invader. No time! I am now almost 29 weeks pregnant with Womb Raider # 2 and things are progressing with alarming speed.

A few weeks ago The Husband, Home Invader (artist formerly known as the Womb Raider #1) and I went to meet up with some friends for a lunch of gourmet burgers at a nearby restaurant. It was a casual affair and one that we had both been looking forward to. I hopped out of the car to get the Home Invader out and I felt a weird punch “down there” followed by a cool breeze. At first I wasn’t sure exactly what I had felt, so I fumbled around in the car and made it to the table without really giving it too much attention. Lunch provided a welcome distraction, but I couldn’t help thinking about the strange sensation I had felt in my nether regions. Was it some kind of autumnal gust of wind making it through my thick denim jeans? Unlikely. Vaginal flatulence AKA a Vart? Potentially, but doubtful. Some kind of hideous prolapse? Hopefully not. Was it the Womb Raider trying to escape? Hmmmmm. Whatever the case, I was left disturbed and whispered the details briefly to The Husband just to get it off my chest. His response was comical to say the very least and I wished I’d kept my mouth shut.

Over the next few weeks it started happening more frequently, and not always accompanied by the breeze. It became clear that it was in fact the Womb Raider and their desperate, attention seeking ways. When I was pregnant the first time I don’t recall getting these unwelcome punches in the vagina, they were mainly in the ribs and abdomen and were a welcome reminder of the tiny life growing inside of me. This is different, not at all pleasant and in a weird way feels like some kind of internal violation of sorts. A friend asked me if it was like “backwards sex”. No, not really! Sometimes it’s a swift “one, two” punch, other times a deeper blow making it feel like something might burst at any minute. Not a sensation any pregnant woman wishes to have! I’m convinced I have a ninja baby that is happy practicing its moves at all hours of the night and day, leaving me to weather the storm.
Sometimes I start to worry that I might go to the toilet to pee for the 40,000th time and see a tiny little hand sticking out and waving at me. It really does feel like the little creature is trying to escape early!

I’ve done some google searching and it didn’t really help. In fact it made things more confusing, but I did learn something about the eradication of armadillos. So there’s that.

There isn’t much to do now I guess apart from wait until the little bugger starts running out of womb….

 

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